What to Ask your Child after their first Therapy Appointment

How in the world do you talk to your child after their counseling session? That car ride is going to be one of the most awkward trips ever! They may have just spent the last 50 minutes talking about how they hate your guts… But you can use this as an opportunity to connect!

You want to respect their privacy. You don’t want to pry.

But it’s also your responsibility to make sure that they talked about the important issues, that they connected with their therapist, and that they know you’re on their team.

Here are some questions to open up the communication channels:

Would it be ok if I ask you [insert number here] question(s) about your counseling session?

• I love this because it’s asking for permission. They get to decide (even though they sort of have to). A specific number of questions gives them clear expectations so they don’t have to wonder if they’ll spend the next 46 minutes sharing.

Where/when is the time and place that would be most helpful to discuss your counseling?

• They likely want to talk about it, they probably just don’t want to talk right afterward.

Are there any topics that might be off limits for me to ask about your sessions?

How will we know if counseling is working for you? How will we know if this is the therapist for you?

• Think SMART goals, Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic, Timely. The primary thing to consider is how well they connect with their therapist.

What can I do to help make sure counseling is working for you?

• This shows that you’re willing to commit to actions that improve their chance of success.

When will we know if we can pause or end counseling?

• This is admittedly a hard one because there are some problems that might make therapy beneficial for longer. It might take longer than a traditional 8-10 Cognitive Behavioral Therapy session approach to treating anxiety. Trauma, divorce, or addiction can often mean therapeutic support is needed for much longer.

Questions about the therapist:

How do you think they could help you?

• Ultimately, the point of a therapist is to help the child get to where they want to go: less stress, more confidence, better grades, less anxiety, become happier, process trauma etc.

Do you respect them?

• This is more of a personal preference in the way that I think about choosing a counselor. If you don’t really respect how your counselor carries themselves, you probably won’t get much out of the relationship. Think about their honesty, excitement, preparation, memory, training, conscientiousness, empathy, or consistency.

What made you connect with them?

• The primary predictor of success in therapy is a positive relationship between the client and therapist. If they do not connect with their counselor, it’s a good sign that you should try someone else.

Would you like to go back?

• This question gives them some autonomy. I doubt every teen wants to go back for another appointment right away. But I might question whether it’s a good fit if they don’t want to return for lack of connection with the counselor after a few sessions.